I hesitate a little sharing this because it’s mostly about personal experiences that have happened over the past few weeks, but God has been blowing my mind with the lengths He will go to show His faithfulness. Please know, my heart and hope in sharing this is just that if you’re in a spot of feeling discouraged while waiting for an answer maybe you’ll be encouraged to continue trusting that God is faithful and will give you direction as you wait for His guidance.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve published a new post, and it’s been kinda crazy during that time to say the least. I’ve been wrestling with a different post that I just can’t seem to put into words yet, but the process of working through that post has led to this one…
In trying to write the other post, I became discouraged thinking about what it would involve sharing. It wasn’t the topic itself that got me; it was being reminded of the words of other people that still hung over my head. It’s the craziest thing how you can go so long not thinking about certain memories, then all of a sudden, they come back and bring those feelings of inferiority with them. Like, goodness gracious… Leave me alone already.
Life was really busy for a few weeks, so I let myself become distracted by everything that I had to do, thinking to myself,
“Surely, this must be why I’m so exhausted.”
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?), you’re forced to come face to face with reality once the busyness starts to return to “normal” (whatever that means). But you know what was crazy cool? God already had an answer and encouragement on the way – and part of it came from somewhere I wouldn’t normally even be.
The first week I tried to write the other post, old memories came back and the thoughts that kept popping into my mind stemmed along the lines of: “But remember when you did this? Remember what they said about you? What would they think if they read your post?”
Cool beans, brain, that’s super helpful.
I’ve gotten better this year at praying when that starts to happen, and I took it to God this time too. I’m not sure I even asked for relief from it, I think I just told Him what was weighing on my heart and that I felt like I shouldn’t be the one to share these posts. Who am I to think anything I say here could be something that helps other people?
During the sermon at church that Sunday, the chapter we were in and what the pastor said about it hit right to the heart of what I was praying about. I teared up hearing nearly the same words I had been pleading to God with just a couple days earlier now being spoken again but through Scripture. It blew my mind to know that while I was praying, God already knew an answer and encouragement was coming in just a few short days. That should’ve been enough to write the post, right?
Nope! But this time, I felt like I needed to wait – Almost like I was rushing something before it was ready. So, I waited and my heart started to become heavy over something else (Hope you’re enjoying this rollercoaster of a story so far 😉 It ends well). Again, I began praying, but this time it was about a promise I was becoming unsure of and areas I was feeling unsettled about. I find comfort in reading the Bible when my heart is heavy like that, so I spent a lot of time over the next couple days just reading and then visited a church while I was out of town. You know what was talked about during that sermon? A promise God made to Abraham (or Abram at the time). That’s right, it was about a promise.
I felt like in those moments, God gave a glimpse of what He has ahead. I started to get anxious worrying about everything that would need to happen in order to move from where I am now to the direction I feel like God is leading. In that, though, there was a short, precious moment where I was reminded to listen to Him instead of listening to those fears. A song came on while I was driving to work, and it gave me a glimpse of how much He loves, even as I was struggling to focus on Him as my leader. In that moment, I felt like He was saying,
“Chrissy, you’re trying to work for My promise again. I’ve already made the path and I’m going to make it happen. You need to rest in that. I love you; you can trust Me.”
I wish I could say all was swell after that, but that moment was only a sliver soon crowded out by all the thoughts jumping around in my head. I almost didn’t go to Bible study that night because I was tired and my heart was still a little heavy from the past few weeks. As I ran through the reasons not to go, though, I felt that nudge on the inside to go. Guess what a reoccuring theme of the night was?
I’m so thankful for that small group. If you’re feeling like you need to isolate yourself because of whatever it is you’ve got going on, don’t listen to that. I can’t tell you how glad I was that I listened and got to learn from that group of women that night.
There were even more things that happened along these lines, but I’ll leave it here for now. I normally base these posts around verses that I’ve read recently, but this time, I wanted to share just one of the many ways God’s faithfulness still shows today. He isn’t a distant god who doesn’t care about us, our lives, or the things weighing on our hearts. He doesn’t leave us to figure life out by ourselves, and He isn’t a mean god who wants us running around in confused circles all the time. He loves us, He knows us, and we can rest with Him. We can rest as we learn to trust Him, His timing, and His planning.
The journey won’t always be easy, but we have the opportunity to travel through it with joy as we bring those things that weigh on our hearts to Him and lay them in His hands – He’s strong enough to handle them. He loves us and is faithful to lead the way.
The following words were on my heart last weekend while I was thinking through some of the things God has been doing. As time goes on, I’m becoming really grateful for everything God chooses to teach us even as we struggle to trust Him fully. As always, I would love to hear about your thoughts and experiences too!
In The Struggle of Surrender
The struggle of surrender
The breaking of what once was
The wrestle, the tug, the pulling
The beckoning of what’s to come
– – –
You called this heart to sing again
And nudged it to find its voice.
But in the shadows the old shrinks back,
Pleading, “I cannot; it is too much.”
– – –
Gracefully You lead,
Comforting as You guide.
Reassuring Your Hand is with us,
Patiently reminding us to abide.
– – –
How did You know to do this?
So gracefully weave this thread,
Which binds this heart to Yours
And teaches the lonely to live again.
– – –
So lovingly You call us
And invite us to partake.
If only we would choose to,
If this struggle would finally break.
– – –
But in the struggle of surrender,
Again we bow our hearts to You.
If the struggle must continue,
It’s You we’ll keep running to.
Here’s to the journey!
“Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.”
– 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NASB)