Dealing with brokenness is a tricky thing. While it isn’t something we often want to deal with, it lingers and often affects the way we see ourselves and the world around us. There is always a path to healing, but it can take us time to see it sometimes.
There was a point of time in my life when I honestly believed I was too damaged to ever be free the way I hoped and dreamed for. I didn’t believe that I could be free from depression or anxiety, have healthy relationships, or truly be free to be the person I knew God was gently pulling me to be. Instead, it was all locked up, weighed down by lies, shame, and confusion that only magnified the pain I carried.
That thought, that “I’m too damaged,” wasn’t true. It was actually a flat-out lie. What breaks my heart, though, is how many other women there are who need to hear that too: You aren’t too damaged. You might be in pain, but there is a way to real, honest, unquestionable freedom.
Maybe your story is filled with ups and downs. Mine is too. It’s dotted with times that looked like things were getting better, only to then be set back by those unkind reminders that creep back up when things are finally going well. Finally, I got frustrated enough to pray: “No. Your Word says that I can be free from this. But I’ve done all I can and I can’t do it, so You’re going to have to do it.”
And He did.
To the women reading this who are desperately waiting and searching to be set free – freedom is coming. Keep going, and keep believing even when it looks and feels impossible.
That’s not to say you aren’t allowed to wrestle through it. But when you do, go to God instead of carrying and internalizing it within yourself. You’re allowed to be a mess, but bring your mess to God.
It’s easy to feel like we need to clean up our mess by ourselves. That’s how Christians talk about it sometimes, isn’t it? They’ll tell you how bad you are instead of helping you get through it.
I was fortunate to become a part of a group that lets people be their awkward, broken selves. Even as I beat myself up, I knew I could go to Bible study and be encouraged by God’s Word and the examples of the people there because they were honest about turning their messes over to God too.
If you’re part of a church and reading this, please let people rest in the arms of their Savior as they heal. You have no idea how much of a difference it makes when God is given the room to work on His broken children. Love them where they are as you wash them in the Word.
If you are a woman who is waiting and praying to be set free, know that it isn’t in vain. The waiting may seem endless or even aimless at times; it can be hard to see anything beyond your pain when it feels like you’ll never be free from it. When you can’t see the light at the end yet, keep holding onto the One who does. He will see you through.
As time goes on, I’m starting to think there will be new layers of learning these precious lessons throughout the rest of my life. What would have counted as healing years ago turned out to only be the tip of the iceberg. Everything changes as God draws you deeper into what it means to know and be known by Him.
Maybe it’s the same for you too. Don’t be discouraged by the journey. Rejoice because of the One you get to take that journey with. That’s hard (or maybe impossible) to do at the beginning, but it’s worth it to keep going. If you’re searching for a love unlike anything you’ve known and stability that stands the test of trials, keep going because it’s there.
Practically, that looks like finding a group of Christians who love God and love studying His Word. Dig into the Bible even when you don’t feel like it. And when you feel distant, discouraged, or condemned again, pray.
If you can’t bring yourself to read the Bible, pray. If you can’t find a group of Christians to learn with, pray. Because even when our feelings and circumstances don’t seem to line up, God is there, He is good, and He hears those who turn to Him. There have been several times I’ve thought “Maybe this is as good as it can get” or “There’s no way He can work with me” only to pray and be met with relief. If not an answer to what I was dealing with, there was at very least always an encouragement. When you don’t know what to do, pray.
Here’s to our journey! Ladies, the wait is worth it. You can be free.
Rest in the fact that you are loved and He is trustworthy.
You have turned my mourning into dancing for me; You have untied my sackcloth and encircled me with joy, 12 That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
Therefore, since we also have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let’s rid ourselves of every obstacle and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let’s run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking only at Jesus, the originator and perfecter of the faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Music for the journey:
Wait On You by Elevation Worship & Maverick City (listen until the end)